Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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