So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
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I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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