I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
