I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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