'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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