Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize