Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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