If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
No subtext here. People are naked.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
