My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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