I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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