Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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