do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
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she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
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He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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