Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
