someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
