You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
