I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
