he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
