he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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