I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize