ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
