It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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