Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
