carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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