how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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