I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
We got so high we made milksteak
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize