I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
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I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
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Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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