alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
