Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
