piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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