i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
