dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
