didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
