I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
