i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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