UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
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