go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
