did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
