a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
