So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
