The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
