It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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