I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
