This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
