Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
My balls are so social today.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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