he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
