we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
