If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.