so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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