WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart