she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
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hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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