Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
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I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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