We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Enjoy the penises
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
