I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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