Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
