I could have mohawked her pubes.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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