So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Drunk is not a location!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
