I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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