Just fell off a train. Bad.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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