She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
