I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
